09 May 2016

Feeling bad about spm result?

Talking about my SPM result, i got only 5As, 3Bs and 1C. Not a really good result actually as my family keeps talking bad about it. 

"Takda maknanya rezeki rezeki. Kalau usaha, mesti dapat. Ni macam tak usaha langsung."

Ok for the first sentence. Not to be harsh but are u saying that u dont believe in rezeki from God? There's a lot of people out there who worked their ass off but still cant get what they aimed for. Why? Because it's not their rezeki yet. Why im not getting a good result for this spm? Because it's not my rezeki yet. Who knows i'll excel in university? In shaa Allah.
For the second and third sentences, i worked my ass off. If i didnt put any effort for my spm, i'd just sent the exam papers empty. Siapa je yang tak usaha to get good results tho. U're saying that i didnt put any effort? Fuck you for thinking that way. U didnt see what i did at school. I did study. Easy to say. It's not you who need to struggle.

"Result tak bagus, uni mana je nak ambik"

U think spm leavers with not a so good result dont have a chance to get a place in universities ke? Shame on you for thinking like that. I gotta admit that students with excellent results get bigger chances to be choosen as one of the students in top universities. For me, spm result doesnt matter as much as you think. Most of the qualifications to apply universities are credits. Ada je yang straight As tapi tak passed the interview. So nk agung agungkan lagi straight As tu? At last, these non straight As students jugak yang passed and are able to get a place in top universities. Even thought u're not excellent in high school, doesnt mean you cannot perform in universities. Remember that.

"Bijak sangat ke? Kalau bijak spm tak dapat 5A"

I never know that ones intelligence is measured using spm result? Laughing my fcking ass off on you. At least im not narrowminded as you.

For all spm leavers who still feel bad about ur result, just keep calm and dont bother all the bad words people are saying to you. It's not the end of the world ey. We still have lot of work to do, guys. A very long journey ahead.

Lots of love, 🌼

07 May 2016

No good

So hey it's me. Idkw but lately i always feel bad about myself. Act i feel bad about myself all the time but these few days i feel even worse.

I'm not a good lover. I didnt even know how to make people stay. I cant even lower my ego. I just didnt know how to make things keep going. All i ever think was good things in love till i forgot that love could hurts. I didnt even know what's my mistakes. I forgot that a relationship is for the happiness for two people, not just myself. I'm a bad lover afterall.

I'm not a good sister. Im not a good example for my brother and sister. I didnt talk to them properly. I didnt do what a good sister should do. I didnt help them in homeworks. I didnt know how to make jokes with them. I didnt treat them well. Im a bad sister afterall. 

I'm not a good daughter. I didnt excel in studies. Everytime i try to do good to my parents, things went wrong. I didnt put them on top of my priorities list. I didnt put as much respect to them like what a daughter should do. I broke their hearts all the time. I didnt know what to do to make them feel appreciated. I keep giving them hard times. Im such a troublesome. Im a bad daughter afterall. 

I'm not a good friend. I didnt know how to take care of their feelings. I always say something harsh directly. All i ever said was about myself myself and myself. I'm not a caring friend like what a friend should be. I'm clingy they might feel annoyed. I always talk about the same thing all over again. Im a boring person. I'm a bad friend afterall. 

I'm not a good student. I always sleep in class. I never finished my homework. Even though I finished it, i might be copying others. I didnt get good results. I couldn't maintain my performance in studies. I didnt know how to manage my time well. I'm a bad student afterall. 

I'm not a good me. I didnt even know how to take care of myself. Most of the time, i always forgot that i have the One. I always let people around me makes me feel down; make me feel bad about myself. I didnt know how to be strong and stay that way. I'm not a good lover. I'm not a good sister. I'm not a good daughter. I'm not a good friend. I'm not a good student. I'm not good in anything. No good.

All that i can do is just hoping. Hoping that one day i can make things right. Hoping that one day i'll gain my strength to repair my broken wings so i can continue my journey even though the resistance is getting worse. Hoping that I'll find the real me bcs i know i could be better than what i've been thinking all the time. 

Unless if i die soon, then these hopes will remain as hopes. And i'm sorry. For being the worst creature on earth that you guys ever know. Just for the time being, may the One still give me time for me to make thing right and feel better. 

Lots of love, 🌼

05 May 2016

Friends forever?

It's 2016 but im still with my previous circle of friends; est 2011. No its not like im not having friends at all when i was studying in jb but u know, i just cant get along with them. They're nice i gotta admit. But sorry to say and no hard feelings, i feel better with my clique or squad or whatever u call it.

Tbh i always get this feeling; i always think that am i too clingy? Or am i a good friend? Do i make them annoyed with me? Sometimes i feel like it's always me who always wanting our friendship to last longer. Its not like im saying these girls didnt make any effort. They did make effort to make this bond to last. But i always think that do I overreact? Duhh maybe i shouldnt feel like this lol

Well its good to still have a chance to contact with these girls although it was 2 years back then since we gathered with the whole squad. When can we meet again guys im missing all of you so much. I've met all of them but not in one time, you know. Maybe we can plan a trip i guess, and pls no kaki sembang ok hahaha. 

Im afraid that we'll lost contact with each other. Thats why i keep mentioning you guys in comments or tweets or anything else. Just to make sure that you guys still remember each one of us. Maybe u guys think that 'alah member je' but for me u are more than just member je. U were there when i was at my worst. You guys ragged me up, u kno what i mean lol back to 2014 masa kena roll call dgn dhila and the gang then all the others sit outside. You've seen me at my worst but still can accept me the way i am. Im feeling so blessed to know someone like you guys.

It's a lie if im saying that i didnt miss all the crazy things we did back then. I miss them ao much and i can recall each one of them. When can we gather like before, guys?

Thanks for hearing me when im babbling about things. I know u guys feel annoyed bcs i keep on telling u guys the same thing all over again. Im so sorry bcs i dont have any other person to tell :')

Dear friends, lets make this bond last forever. I love you guys and i mean it. *you know who you are so i dont need to mention ur names here lol*

Lots of love, 🌼