No good

So hey it's me. Idkw but lately i always feel bad about myself. Act i feel bad about myself all the time but these few days i feel even worse.

I'm not a good lover. I didnt even know how to make people stay. I cant even lower my ego. I just didnt know how to make things keep going. All i ever think was good things in love till i forgot that love could hurts. I didnt even know what's my mistakes. I forgot that a relationship is for the happiness for two people, not just myself. I'm a bad lover afterall.

I'm not a good sister. Im not a good example for my brother and sister. I didnt talk to them properly. I didnt do what a good sister should do. I didnt help them in homeworks. I didnt know how to make jokes with them. I didnt treat them well. Im a bad sister afterall. 

I'm not a good daughter. I didnt excel in studies. Everytime i try to do good to my parents, things went wrong. I didnt put them on top of my priorities list. I didnt put as much respect to them like what a daughter should do. I broke their hearts all the time. I didnt know what to do to make them feel appreciated. I keep giving them hard times. Im such a troublesome. Im a bad daughter afterall. 

I'm not a good friend. I didnt know how to take care of their feelings. I always say something harsh directly. All i ever said was about myself myself and myself. I'm not a caring friend like what a friend should be. I'm clingy they might feel annoyed. I always talk about the same thing all over again. Im a boring person. I'm a bad friend afterall. 

I'm not a good student. I always sleep in class. I never finished my homework. Even though I finished it, i might be copying others. I didnt get good results. I couldn't maintain my performance in studies. I didnt know how to manage my time well. I'm a bad student afterall. 

I'm not a good me. I didnt even know how to take care of myself. Most of the time, i always forgot that i have the One. I always let people around me makes me feel down; make me feel bad about myself. I didnt know how to be strong and stay that way. I'm not a good lover. I'm not a good sister. I'm not a good daughter. I'm not a good friend. I'm not a good student. I'm not good in anything. No good.

All that i can do is just hoping. Hoping that one day i can make things right. Hoping that one day i'll gain my strength to repair my broken wings so i can continue my journey even though the resistance is getting worse. Hoping that I'll find the real me bcs i know i could be better than what i've been thinking all the time. 

Unless if i die soon, then these hopes will remain as hopes. And i'm sorry. For being the worst creature on earth that you guys ever know. Just for the time being, may the One still give me time for me to make thing right and feel better. 

Lots of love, 🌼